My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
