Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i came on her dog
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
