shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize