it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
