I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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