You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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