no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Randomize
