The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
