butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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