Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
