Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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