i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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