im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I need a burrito and a hug.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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