I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
