So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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