she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
