Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
