During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
