It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
