I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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