Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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