after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
