Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
