Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
