I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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