It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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