On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Randomize