her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
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