I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I came so hard my ears popped.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
