he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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