he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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