I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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