I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
