My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize