we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
