I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
