Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
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