dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
