I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize