it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
