We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
