we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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