Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
