Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
