you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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