my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
