did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
