Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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