This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
