so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I think your dad took our porno
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
