just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Randomize
