This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
