Umm I'm too high to move.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Randomize
