3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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