Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
