woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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