i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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