I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
