I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We left the knife in your bed.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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