he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
