so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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