Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
