it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
