I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
