Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
