No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
