I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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