No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
